Fighting Evil By Moonlight
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indypistol
indypistol
dirty girl
Sunday, November 18th, 2012 05:34 pm
Ugh, I'm depressed. Went through the mail and bills and all that fun shiz. I kind of just want to lay in bed all night reading Teen Wolf fic but I can't actually find a whole lot that I like. Derek is always way too schmoopy and Stiles is never... Stiles enough for me. 

And I want to write, but I want to write with someone and do the fun plotty things I used to do, but I can't seem to do that either. 

Also I have like a shit ton of laundry to do and I'm not looking forward to hobbling around the house trying to do that. But I have to, so. 

And really I'm just making up an entry to whine about life so I should probably stop now, lol. 

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indypistol
indypistol
dirty girl
Monday, October 29th, 2012 06:19 pm
It's horrible to think that within the span of a year, the person you thought you couldn't live without becomes the very fucking bane of your existence. If I'd gone home to my own place, where it was just me, do you think I'd be crying right now because I'm trapped and frustrated? After being free for a week, I feel worse than ever. I'm honest to god in a prison, and I'm made to feel guilty for thinking that way. I'm made to feel guilty for EVERYTHING I DO. I'm so tired of it.

Her VOICE is grating on every one of my nerves, and it's not really fair to her but it's not fair to me either. And every time I even think about moving out, she cries about how she won't be able to afford the farm, or whatever else she can't do without me, and I'm stuck. If I move out now, I'll look like the biggest asshole in the world. Like, I appreciate the things she does for me, she's my mom and she's raised me and supported me my entire life, but I'm twenty-four. I think its time I lived my own life, you know?

But then I'm the ungrateful bitch who left.

I fucking hate everything about my life. Every goddamn thing.

Oh and apparently because I'm angry that AMA is fucking us over on my car, that means I'm angry at her? Like how does that even fucking work? I'll accept the options given to us because I don't have a choice, but that doesn't mean I have to be fucking happy about it. Like she tells me all this shit and expects me to just be like, "Oh yeah, that's wonderful, at least my car is getting fixed!" Okay, but I take the blame, my mom's insurance takes a hit, when it's not our fault. All because AMA has shitty customer service and won't own up to their towing company actually damaging my car. So I'm angry, yes, and I said that maybe I wouldn't go with AMA because they're clearly fucking shit at dealing with customers and she says, "Oh well, it's a one off thing, there's no precedence..." You're trying to tell me there's no precedence for a tow truck company CLEARLY damaging my car, with two witnesses? The mechanics SAY it's tow truck damage? Only AMA tow trucks have towed it?

So yeah, I WANT to hire Lawyers because this is complete bullshit. I can't, because obviously I don't have the money. I don't even have the money to pay the fucking deductible. I took my car in for a fucking serpentine belt. That's it. I shouldn't have to pay $500 out of my own goddamn pocket when I didn't cause the damage. And my mom offers to pay for half, which I don't want her to do because 1) it's not her car and 2) she'll just use it against me (over and over and fucking over again.)

So is it wrong for me to be upset? No, so stop making me feel like it is!

FUCK I just want to fucking rage quit. I want to start over. I want to run away and lead a new life. I'm just tired of being fucked over and being treated like it's my fault. Every fucking time.

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indypistol
indypistol
dirty girl
Monday, October 29th, 2012 05:16 pm

It's weird how I've been home literally 24 hours, and already I feel like I'm being sucked into a vortex of depression, and I know the cause and it makes me feel guilty, but also I want to run away anywhere. As soon as I got home last night, my mom started crying about her life and it's like the longer I'm in her presence, the more depressed and frustrated I get. ALREADY I feel like crying, and my vacation was so wonderful how could I possibly come down from that so fast?

I desperately need to move out. I wish I could figure something out. Ugh ugh ugh here comes the depression, stop stop stop. I'm so angry that I feel this way, I just want to slap her and tell her to get some motherfucking help.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

location: Canada, Alberta, Betula Beach

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indypistol
indypistol
dirty girl
Tuesday, October 16th, 2012 12:31 am

Today has been so bad I'm staring a bottle of sleeping pills.

I'm a prisoner in my own home.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

location: Canada, Alberta, Betula Beach

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indypistol
indypistol
dirty girl
Monday, October 15th, 2012 10:00 pm
Ugh, I feel like positive poop right now.

So I finally got a hold of the dealership I took my car to this afternoon. They fixed the serpentine belt and adjusted some pulleys, but then they told me that the bottom of the radiator was crushed like it had been in an accident. I don't know what to do with this, I've been driving my car for the past two months and I certainly never crushed it, and I had no problems with overheating, but now they say they can't get it to go anywhere without overheating. To fix JUST the rad (she said there were some other parts that needed replacing) is going to cost me roughly $800.

I don't know what to fucking do. It's like I keep getting kicked when I'm down, you know? Like NOTHING can possibly go right.

One person offered to pay for the repairs, but how do I accept someone else's money? How do I ask them for their help without feeling like a total fucking bum? I don't like him all that much, he considers me a close friend but to be honest he drives me up the wall. I don't want to be indebted to him, you know? He says of course that would never happen, but... His response to the situation was, "You should have married me!" Or, after I jokingly said I needed a sugar daddy, because I was miersable and trying to make light of the situation, he said, "Well, you didn't want me!" I don't know, he has more than enough money to pay for it, I know he wouldn't be hurting, but at the same time, I just... it feels wrong. It goes against everything I've learned, you know? I'm not looking for a handout, I want to work for my money, but do I have a choice?

I'm so depressed I can barely function at all. I just want this horrible year to end...

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indypistol
indypistol
dirty girl
Sunday, October 14th, 2012 06:29 pm
I wasn't going to post about this but I need to as kind of an evidence of the bullshit we've been putting up from my family.

So one of my uncle's on my dad's side called my mom today. We haven't heard from him in MONTHS since my dad died. He promised my dad he would help us (on my dad's fucking death bed) and two weeks afterward he was gone. He called a few times since then, but very rarely to actually help. He's never cared, and the entire time he was here he hit on my mom and told her she should date A WEEK AFTER MY DAD DIED.

Now, he's always hit on my mom but RIGHT after my dad's wake was pretty fucking gross. It made me despise him.

But today he calls to inform my mom he has a new job! He makes $1200 a day! How fantastic! Oh, right how are you? Oh you're doing shitty? My mom has been looking for a job for ages, and he suggests she apply at TIM HORTONS. Not that I look down my nose at those who work there, but for my mom? That was just a REALLY low blow. It was like saying you're useless and can't get anything else. He said some other really horrible stuff (you k now, in that nice helpful way that is supposed to sound like you're being helpful but really you're being a giant dick.) to her that made me so furious. I was swearing and cursing and I honestly wanted to pick up the phone, call him and just RAIL on him. My mom did not deserve to be treated like she was lesser, like she deserved less. And he didn't fucking care, he didn't once treat her like he genuinely cared about her problems. The ONLY reason he called was to gloat about his new job.

When she tried to talk about her life, like he was, he made up some excuse and hung up.

It's so fucking despicable, that the next time I see him, I am honestly going to tell him to fucking get out. If he calls, I'm going to take the phone and hang up on him. My dad is dead, and his brother deserves NO PART in our life if he's going to treat us that way. He's being a useless, unhelpful dick and never once cared. SO GTFO Uncle Steve, you are the biggest pile of shit I know.

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